Stepfamily Decluttering: 3 Essential Tips

NOTE: This post was inspired by a recent conversation I had with Deanna Yates on her podcast, Wannabe Clutter Free. We had a great time chatting about the unique challenges (and opportunities!) of decluttering as a stepfamily and the unique role that stepmoms can play in that process.

Winning the war against clutter in your household is difficult under any circumstances, but when you're part of a stepfamily, there's an additional layer of complexity that can make things really challenging.

So, let's talk about 3 must-have tips to help you navigate stepfamily decluttering more easily:

1) Start with your own space

Okay, this one might seem a little counterintuitive, but trust me: Tackle one of your own spaces first, before you do any other decluttering in the home.

I know conventional wisdom would have us prioritize the most public, chaotic clutter first. But, when you start instead with one of your own spaces, two really magical things happen:

YOU GET A QUICK WIN

This is priceless when you're staring down a task as overwhelming as decluttering your entire house. So, by focusing on maybe a corner of your bedroom or a home office or even a closet space, instead of the entryway or a mudroom or the family room, you are in charge of what stays and what goes. You have control over the pacing and the timing of that process, which usually means you can knock it out more quickly and easily than those more common spaces where you have to invite in other people's input.

YOU GET A SAFE SPACE

By decluttering one of your areas first, it creates a space that you can return to when you’re feeling stressed out by the chaos of, y’know, decluttering the rest of the house.

One of the most powerful things a stepmom can do for herself and her family—especially at the beginning— is to get serious about her self-care. And creating a safe, designated space that you can return to when you just need a little reset can be so helpful.

2) Manage incoming stuff

Be mindful of the stuff coming into your home, not just the stuff that's already there. Again, this can be a challenge for all families, but for stepfamilies in particular, there are some invisible forces at work that can make it a bit more challenging to keep an eye on the stuff that's coming into the house.

With the kids going back and forth between houses, you might find that there are new items making their way into your home. Or there might be duplicate items that you find over time that the kids really do need to have handy at each house. Those are some of the practical considerations.

But, you might also find that the stuff in your household is being influenced by emotional fallout from the breakup of your stepkids’ parents’ relationship. Even when no one's done anything wrong per se, parents often have immense guilt over the change of the family structure and the impact on the kids. And whether or not they're aware of it, this can actually drive their purchasing decisions.

So, you might notice, for example, that your partner seems to be struggling with overbuying. Or maybe the other parent is purchasing a lot of toys and games and gifts for the kids that end up coming over to your house.

You might even feel it yourself: The urge to surprise the kids with extra goodies when they're at your house. This is all normal and, for most families, just part of the adjustment period. The important thing to keep in mind is that all these different influences can start to pile up and contribute to the clutter in your home.

The solution? Raise your own awareness of where the items are coming from and then get on the same page as your partner so that you can make a plan for how to deal with the influx.

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3) Play the long game

I know it can feel so crucial to wrangle order out of chaos in your home, especially when you've already sacrificed many of the freedoms you enjoyed before you became a stepmom. But, if you're like many stepfamilies, you're probably dealing with reduced custody or access to the kids. Do you really want to be spending all of that already limited time together managing stuff?

Once you've decluttered a favorite space of your own (remember: that's number one!), I recommend sitting down with your partner and just talking out your goals for clutter in your home: What would you like to prioritize? How do you want it to feel there?

And as tempting as it can be to focus in on zones and specifics, really try to lean into that feeling piece. Because when all is said and done, you hopefully will have many, many years with your partner. The kids, however, won't always be there with you. So, in everything you do, every decision you make, try to ask yourself: Is this truly an immediate need? Or is this something we can tackle over time? Because as long as your home is safe and healthy, a lot of those other cluttered decisions really do come down to preference.

So, start with your space. Talk with your partner, and then do your best to concentrate on the feeling you want to create in your home. How do we all feel when we cross that threshold at the end of the day?

If it's a safe, inviting place where everyone feels welcome to just be, then even if it's not perfectly picked up and pristine, it's going to be a place where every member of your family feels at home.

And, after all, isn't that what we all want?

Now that your stuff is sorted, need help with the emotional clutter? I'm here for you.

The life of a stepmom can be complex, baffling, and straight-up triggering. But, while the demands are real, so are the potential rewards. With the right guidance and support, I believe any stepmom can flourish in this role.

When worry becomes a permanent fixture in your daily life, it crowds out joy, fulfillment, and fun. If you're ready to get a handle on your stepmom stress so you can create meaningful change for yourself and your family, you've come to the right place! Learn more about my 1:1 coaching program for stepmoms .