Emotion Regulation in Blended Families: 5 Strategies Every Stepparent Should Know
NOTE: This post was inspired by my recent conversation with Lori Sims of Nacho Kids on The Nacho Kids Podcast. I returned to the podcast (check out our previous episode about stepmom anxiety) to chat about the stress response and how stepparents and parents alike can tap into the power of emotion regulation.
TUNE IN TO OUR INTERVIEW:
You told yourself you’d stay calm. That, this time, you'd just go with the flow. But one eye roll from your stepkid—or one more last-minute schedule change—and suddenly you’re tense, tearful, or starting to check out.
Sound familiar?
If you're a stepparent who’s struggling to manage your emotional reactions, that’s normal. You’re human. And you're also navigating one of the most emotionally demanding roles in a family system.
In this post, we’re unpacking what emotion regulation looks like in blended families, and why it’s one of the most misunderstood (yet vital) skills for stepparents to develop:
Why emotion regulation hits different in blended families
Managing your emotions as a stepparent is not just about staying calm or biting your tongue.
It’s about noticing what’s happening in your body, naming your stress responses, and choosing how you want to show up…even when you’re tired, triggered, or emotionally fried.
As I shared recently on the Nacho Kids Podcast:
“Emotion regulation isn’t about pretending you’re okay. It’s about responding with intention instead of reacting from overwhelm.”
The 5 types of emotion regulation
Let’s break down the five categories of emotion regulation skills that stepparents can start practicing today.
These are the tools that will help you stay steady through chaos. It’s not about forcing yourself to be perfect, but rather about giving your nervous system more options when stress (inevitably) hits.
1. Situation selection
“If I already know this conversation always goes sideways, can I approach it at a better time…or opt out entirely?”
This strategy is about proactively choosing which situations to engage in and which ones to skip. For stepparents, this might mean:
Saying no to participating in group text threads that tend to spiral
Opting out of a stepkid’s game, performance, or other event when conflict is likely to occur
Planning self-care time before a known stressor (like transition day or a holiday)
Ready for mentorship, encouragement, and real-talk reflections?
Join my email list and get fresh insights, tips, and resources, delivered to your inbox each week.
2. Situation modification
“If I can’t skip the situation, how can I change the context to reduce stress?”
This is about adjusting the environment to make things more manageable. Think:
Asking that your partner to take the lead during discipline convos
Having a buffer activity that helps kids transition between households
Requesting a brief synopsis of only important co-parenting conversations (vs. getting a complete transcript from your partner after every call)
3. Attention deployment
“Where am I focusing right now—and is it helping or hurting?”
Stepparents are often hyper-attuned to tension. But where we put our attention matters. You can shift focus by:
Practicing grounding skills in the moment (e.g., noticing your feet, breath, or environment)
Re-centering on your values instead of the chaos
Mentally bookmarking moments of connection—yes, even the tiny ones
“I always say to clients: your attention is your most valuable real estate,” I explained on the podcast. “Protect it like it matters—because it does.”
4. Cognitive change
“Is there another way to interpret what’s happening right now?”
This doesn’t mean gaslighting yourself. It means challenging automatic thoughts and opening up more flexible interpretations. For example:
Instead of “She’s being rude,” try “She might be overwhelmed.”
Instead of “He’s ignoring me,” try “He might not know what I need.”
This is helpful for all of us but can be especially useful for stepparents with a history of anxiety or overfunctioning in relationships.
5. Response modulation
“What can I do to regulate my body and mood when I’m already triggered?”
These are the in-the-moment strategies we tend to associate with emotion regulation: What you do after the stress response has already kicked in. For example:
Splashing cold water on your face
Excusing yourself to walk around the block
Suggesting, “Let’s pause this and come back to it later.”
As I shared on the podcast:
“You’re not a failure if you need to take space mid-convo. That’s being skillful.”
Why emotion regulation in blended families can feel so hard
Let’s be honest: Navigating stepfamily life isn’t easy.
Emotion regulation in blended families can feel lonely and you might even feel invisible, especially when it seems like you’re the only one doing it.
Emotion regulation isn’t about being less emotional. It’s about being more empowered in how you respond.
In your blended family life, the stress is real, but so is your capacity to pause, pivot, and protect your peace. You’ve got this.
FREE RESOURCE:
💡 Regulating your emotions as a stepmom isn’t hard, but it does take practice. Want some help getting started?
New here? Hi! 👋 I'm Michaela Bucchianeri, PhD — psychologist + stepmom of 13 years
…and I can’t wait to help you live a stepmom life you love.
Becoming a stepmom rocked my world in just about every way. And while this role brings so much potential for joy and fulfillment… the path to getting there isn't always intuitive.
Now? I'm on a mission to help you create a stepmom identity that's all your own– so you can worry less, shift your energy to whatever lights you up, and start having (way) more fun.
A FEW PLACES TO START:
💌 Subscribe to The Stepmom Sleepover. Join our week(end)ly, virtual slumber party where you’ll find candid stories, game-changing stepmom skills, and a roundup of goodies— from relevant research to book recs to stepfamily-tested scripts + more! Stepmom life’s a whole lot easier when you’re not doing it alone.
📺 Check out our YouTube channel. This is where you’ll find all the trending topics, real-time conversations, and video library of resources for stepmoms, all in one place! New videos every week.
💬 Come say Hello! Slide into my DMs and let’s chat about stepmom life!
To get in touch with me directly, send me a DM or email hello@theanxiousstepmom.com.
I’m so glad you’re here!