Ours Baby, Full House: Navigating the Blended Family Shift with Jasmine Yow
If you’ve added a child—an “ours baby”—into your blended family, you’ve likely felt the shift. Even when the transition is joyful, it brings with it new stressors, emotional dynamics, and layers of complexity that can leave stepmoms feeling overwhelmed and unseen.
In this third installment of our Stepmom Summer Chat series, I sat down with Jasmine Yow, a stepmom coach based in South Australia specializing in supporting stepmoms through the transition to motherhood. Jasmine’s story speaks to the unique demands of moving from part-time stepmotherhood to full-time parenting…all while raising young kids of her own.
Whether you’re navigating an ours baby in a blended family, dealing with summer schedule chaos, or simply trying to find your footing in a full house, this conversation is for you:
From part-time to full-time: A sudden shift
Jasmine didn’t gradually ease into full-time stepmom life. For years, she shared 50/50 custody of her stepson and cherished the slow, intentional bond they were building. She and her partner even felt confident enough in their family dynamic to add two biological children to the mix.
But then everything changed.
After a sudden custody shift during a particularly turbulent season, Jasmine’s stepson came to live with them full time…just as she was welcoming a newborn.
“I felt like a new stepmom all over again,” she shared. “Everything shifted. I had to relearn my role.”
When an ours baby joins the family
Adding a biological child into an already blended household brings more than just baby snuggles. It can intensify loyalty binds, reconfigure routines, and surface unexpected grief or rivalry—for both kids and adults.
“When my first child was born, I started noticing new tensions I hadn’t predicted,” Jasmine said. “Everyone had been excited, but that didn’t stop challenges from surfacing.”
She’s not alone. Many stepmoms report a spike in anxiety, resentment, or emotional burnout after welcoming an ours baby, especially when parenting expectations suddenly shift.
Ready for mentorship, encouragement, and real-talk reflections?
Join my email list and get fresh insights, tips, and resources, delivered to your inbox each week.
Summer stress, mental load, and the “microscope effect”
As Jasmine shared, school holidays often amplify stress for stepmoms…especially those parenting full-time or managing multiple kids with different needs.
There’s the functional load, the schedule disruptions, the extra contact with the other household, and this constant feeling of being watched.
Whether that “microscope” is external (from extended family or a co-parent) or internal (self-monitoring and perfectionism), it can wear you down fast.
Jasmine emphasized how anticipatory anxiety and the invisible labor of managing everyone’s needs often leaves stepmoms depleted before the new season even begins.
Communication breakdowns and differing perspectives
One of the most validating moments in our chat was when Jasmine named a truth many stepmoms don’t realize until they’re knee-deep in frustration:
“There’s no one else in the family with the stepmom perspective. My partner’s always coming from a slightly different lens.”
This mismatch often shows up in partner conversations. A stepmom might say, “Let’s talk through a plan so summer goes more smoothly,” only to hear: “Why are you expecting the worst?”
But when we acknowledge we’re operating from different realities, the conversation shifts. Many stepmoms find it useful to script their concerns with clarity and shared values in mind—e.g., “I’m hoping for the best and I’d also like to plan based on what we’ve learned from past stressors, so we can all enjoy this summer.”
Burnout, baby blues & difficulty coping
When stepmoms welcome a new baby while raising stepkids, the pressure to “do it all” can lead to intense emotional shutdown.
Jasmine referenced research from the Postpartum Stress Center about how new mothers often feel silenced by self-expectation:
“You can’t say ‘I’m not coping’ because that feels like failure. So you pretend to cope, even when you’re not okay.”
Instead of pathologizing this, Jasmine views it as part of a transformation journey. Like new motherhood, stepmotherhood brings identity loss, emotional growing pains, and deep inner reckoning.
And none of it is a sign that you’re doing it wrong.
Anchoring in hope, even in the hardest seasons
When asked what helped her stay grounded during the hardest moments, Jasmine was candid about hitting emotional breaking points—including times when she considered leaving home to protect her baby from her stepson’s behavior.
Today, thanks to therapy and other professional support, her family looks vastly different:
a calmer home
a stronger bond with her stepson
all three children building loving, connected relationships
How did they get there?
“Support. Vision. And surrounding myself with voices of wisdom—not anxiety.”
Even if you can’t yet see the version of your family you’re working toward, Jasmine encourages stepmoms to listen to that quiet, deep voice inside:
“Do you love this family? Do you believe this is your journey? Then hold onto that. That’s your vision.”
Remember: You don’t have to be a “natural”
So much of what isolates stepmoms is the myth that we should be naturals at this. That we should instinctively know how to bond, balance, parent, and perform.
But that myth keeps us stuck in shame. And as Jasmine reminded us:
“Even if the beginning feels impossibly hard… beautiful things can happen.”
Wherever you are in your journey—whether you're newly full-time, raising an ours baby, or just trying to make it to bedtime—you’re not alone. Scroll down for some simple ways to get connected.
New here? Hi! 👋 I'm Michaela Bucchianeri, PhD — psychologist + stepmom of 13 years
…and I can’t wait to help you live a stepmom life you love.
Becoming a stepmom rocked my world in just about every way. And while this role brings so much potential for joy and fulfillment… the path to getting there isn't always intuitive.
Now? I'm on a mission to help you create a stepmom identity that's all your own– so you can worry less, shift your energy to whatever lights you up, and start having (way) more fun.
A FEW PLACES TO START:
💌 Subscribe to The Stepmom Sleepover. Join our week(end)ly, virtual slumber party where you’ll find candid stories, game-changing stepmom skills, and a roundup of goodies— from relevant research to book recs to stepfamily-tested scripts + more! Stepmom life’s a whole lot easier when you’re not doing it alone.
📺 Check out our YouTube channel. This is where you’ll find all the trending topics, real-time conversations, and video library of resources for stepmoms, all in one place! New videos every week.
💬 Come say Hello! Slide into my DMs and let’s chat about stepmom life!
To get in touch with me directly, send me a DM or email hello@theanxiousstepmom.com.
I’m so glad you’re here!