Stepmom Advice for Teenage Years with Tammy Johnson

What happens when your stepkid suddenly towers over you, starts driving, dating, and thinking about college?

The teen years in a stepfamily bring a whole new set of challenges…and surprising moments of connection. In this candid conversation, I sat down with Tammy Johnson of Stepmom Goals to talk about how our roles as stepmoms shift and stretch as our stepkids grow up.

Whether you’re just beginning the teenage years or bracing yourself for what's ahead, tune in for real-talk reflections, stepmom support, and grounding advice for this tender season of change:

Growing up alongside your stepchild

Tammy has been a stepmom for 12 years, since her stepson RJ was just two years old. Now, he’s entering adulthood, and the emotional ride has been anything but linear. As she puts it:

“I told him recently: If you see me crying at prom, just ignore me. Mama T is fine. I’m just proud of you.”

This deepening relationship didn’t happen overnight. Like many stepmoms navigating the teenage years, Tammy has learned to trade control for connection, and teaching for listening.

💡 Stepmom Tip: The teenage years call for more listening, less correcting. Let them come to you.

How parenting time shifts with age

One of the most common questions from new stepmoms is: How often should transitions happen between homes? Tammy shared how their parenting schedule has evolved as her stepson has grown:

Early years: Transitions every other week (felt like a “yo-yo” for him)
Middle years: Shifted to two weeks, then three—based on input from her stepson and his therapist
High school years: More independence, more communication, and a new rhythm of connection

👉 Stepmom advice for teenage years? Be flexible. What worked at age 5 may not work at 15. Kids’ needs evolve and our approach should, too.

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From structure to support: Letting go to lean in

As stepkids become teens, many stepmoms experience what feels like emotional whiplash: A child who once needed you constantly now disappears into their room… until they suddenly knock on your door at 9pm to talk about life.

Tammy puts it beautifully:

“When he was younger, I was talking more because I was teaching. Now, I just try to listen more. Let him come to me.”

This shift—from managing to mentoring—is one of the trickiest mindset shifts in stepmom life.

But it’s also one of the most rewarding.

How to be a good stepmom to a teenager

Tammy offers the following advice for how to be a good stepmom to a teenager:

VALIDATE YOUR EMOTIONS

“You are not crazy for feeling what you feel. A bad day doesn’t make you a bad stepmom.”

EMBRACE THE POWER OF GRACE

“Grace is your best friend. You’re not going to get everything right. And you don’t have to.”

LET YOURSELF BE

“I’m learning to just sit with how I feel. To remember who I am—outside of being a mom or stepmom.”

STOP CHASING PERFECTION

“Perfectionism puts pressure on you, but that pressure spills over onto the kids, too.”

INVEST IN YOURSELF

“Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s the foundation.” Because, after all, you’re the one person you’re guaranteed to be with for the rest of your life.

When stepkids come to you

One of the quiet joys of the teenage years?

When your stepkid seeks you out.

“He doesn’t have to talk to me. He could go to his dad or his mom. But when he knocks on my door just to talk—I don’t take that lightly.”

Teen stepkids may not always show affection in predictable ways, but when they choose to come to you, it’s a sign that the seeds you’ve been planting are starting to take root.

Navigating stepmom burnout in the teen years

These years often coincide with major life changes—career shifts, aging parents, or raising “ours babies” alongside teens. Emotional exhaustion is real.

Tammy shared that in addition to being a stepmom, she’s also raising a young son with autism. That has reshaped her definition of self-care:

“Some days, I just lie in bed and read my devotional. I let myself feel what I feel. I remind myself, I’m not just a stepmom. I’m Tammy. I love cats, Mariah Carey, and corned beef sandwiches. That matters, too.”

Encouragement for stepmoms of teenagers: Grace over perfection

For any stepmom walking through the teenage years (or anxiously anticipating them), Tammy offers this encouragement:

Don’t try to do it all alone
Talk to your partner
Find a therapist or stepmom friend
Let go of “perfect” and focus on being present

You are not alone. And you are not your mistakes.

Pressure doesn’t make you a better stepmom…presence does.

**New here? Hi! 👋 I'm Michaela Bucchianeri, PhD — psychologist + stepmom of 13 years**

…and I can’t wait to help you live a stepmom life you love.
Becoming a stepmom rocked my world in just about every way. And while this role brings so much potential for joy and fulfillment… the path to getting there *isn't* always intuitive.
Now? I'm on a mission to help you create a stepmom identity that's all your own– so you can worry less, shift your energy to whatever lights you up, and start having (*way*) more fun.
More about Michaela

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